Rules for staying sane

1 Relax

2 No one is perfect

3 Be content

4 Know what you're good at

5 Almost any rule can be broken occasionally

6 Don't try to do everything

7 You don't have to follow every piece of advice you get (including this one)

8 It's normal to want to escape

9 You're allowed to hide from your kids

10 Parents are people too

11 Don't ignore your relationship with your partner

Attitude Rules

12 Love is not enough

13 Every recipe needs different ingredients

14 Anything extreme is almost certainly wrong

15 Look pleased to see them

16 Treat your child with respect

17 Enjoy their company

18 It's not about you – it's about them

19 Being tidy isn't as important as you think

20 Good parenting is calculated risk taking

21 Keep your worries to yourself

22 See things from their point of view

23 Parenting is not a competitive sport

24 Never emotionally blackmail them

Everyday Rules

25 Let them get on with it

26 Let them go (wild)

27 Teach them to think for themselves

28 Use praise wisely

29 Make sure they know what's important

30 Show them how to lose

31 Know the value of boundaries

32 Bribery doesn't have to be bad

33 Moods are catching

34 You're setting their eating patterns for life

35 Communicate

36 Set clear targets

37 Don't be a nag

Discipline Rules

38 Present a united front

39 Carrots beat sticks

40 Be consistent

41 Lighten up

42 Focus on the problem, not the person

43 Don't paint yourself into a corner

44 If you lose your temper, you're the loser

45 Apologise if you get it wrong

46 Let them back in

47 The right of expression

Personality Rules

48 Find what incentives work for your child

49 Every child should have something they know they're good at

50 Learn to appreciate the qualities that remind you of someone else

51 Look for the similarities between you

52 Find qualities to admire in them

53 Let them be better than you

54 Their attitude is as important as their achievements

55 Keep your fears and insecurities to yourself

56 Mind your programming

57 Don't try to have a perfect child

Sibling Rules

58 Give them each other

59 Recognize that squabbling is healthy (within reason)

60 Teach them to sort out their own arguments

61 Work as a team

62 Let them entertain each other

63 Never compare children with each other

64 Different children need different rules

65 Don't have a favourite

66 Mix and match

67 Find each child's strengths

School Rules

68 Schooling isn't the same as education

69 School comes as a package

70 Fight your child's corner

71 Bullying is always serious

72 Teach them to stand up for themselves

73 Put up with friends of theirs you don't like

74 Remember you're their parent, not their teacher

75 Don't mollycoddle them

76 Let up the pressure

77 They have to live with their choices (and it's OK)

Teenage Rules

78 Don't panic

79 Remember Newton's Third Law

80 Give them a voice

81 Don't look under the mattress

82 Running round after them doesn't help anybody

83 Don't stand in front of a speeding train

84 Yelling isn't the answer

85 Let them have the last word

86 Everything comes with strings

87 Show some respect for the things they care about

88 Adopt a healthy attitude to sex

Crisis Rules

89 Don't use your kids as ammunition

90 Let them cope in their own way

91 Being younger doesn't necessarily speed everything up

92 The aftershock can last forever

93 Tell them what's going on

94 Teach them to fail successfully

95 It's better to agree than to be right

96 All of your actions speak louder than any of your words

97 Make sure they know they're priority no. 1

98 You can't fix everything

Grown-up Rules

99 Back off

100 Wait until they ask for advice

101 Treat them as adults

102 Don't try to be their best friend

103 Encourage them regardless

104 You can't choose who your children love

105 Leave the strings off

106 Don't guilt-trip them

107 Remember they still need you

108 It's not your fault

109 Once a parent, always a parent

Rules about your parents

1 Don't put them on a pedestal

2 Let them be grandparents

3 Don't ask too much of them

4 Don't guilt-trip them – even by mistake

5 Learn to share

6 They're new to this too

7 Understand that they don't come from the same place as you

8 Any grandparent is better than no grandparent

9 Don't bad-mouth them in front of the kids

10 They love you just like you love your kids

Rules of Parenting, The: A Personal Code for Bringing Up Happy, Confident Children, 4th edition

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