Introduction

Rules for finding love

1 Be yourself

2 Get over it before you get on with it

3 You won't be happy with a partner until you can be happy on your own

4 You'll know them when you meet them

5 Choose someone who makes you laugh

6 Being less than a hundred per cent attractive is a great filter

7 Don't keep making the same mistakes

8 Certain people are off limits (you know who they are)

9 You can't change people

10 Relationships aren't about sex

11 Get to know someone through all the seasons before making any major decisions

12 Don't stay with someone who doesn't care

13 If you can't trust them, you haven't got a relationship

14 Be honest (while you still have the chance)

15 Don't play games

16 Don't tar new partners with old brushes

17 Check you both have the same shared goals

18 Create the power balance you both want

19 You can't make someone love you

20 Be cruel to be kind

Relationship Rules

21 Be nice

22 Be together because you want to, not because you need to

23 Allow your partner the space to be themselves

24 Look to your own faults

25 Be honourable

26 Put each other first

27 Recognize the signs

28 Be a hero – or a heroine

29 Accept the differences, embrace what you have in common

30 Don't belittle your partner

31 You want to do what?

32 Let not the sun go down upon your wrath

33 Be the first to say sorry

34 Let them have the last word

35 Houston, we have a problem

36 Don't put them on a pedestal and expect them to stay there

37 Know when to listen and when to act

38 Never stop trying to be attractive

39 If you can say something nice, do

40 Don't try to be their parent

41 Be part of their life

42 If little things annoy you, say so – with humour

43 Go that extra step in trying to please them

44 Make sure your partner is always pleased to see you

45 Don't dump responsibility on your partner

46 Let them know if you don't like their friends

47 Jealousy is your stuff, not theirs

48 Your partner is more important than your kids

49 Make time for romance

50 Have a passion for your life together

51 Share the workload

52 Trust the other one to do the job

53 Don't be a nag

54 Make sure your love making is making love

55 Don't control them

56 Listen to what they're not saying

57 Most everyday arguments are about something else

58 Respect privacy

59 Treat your partner better than your best friend

60 Don't be offended if they want some space

61 Men like flowers too

62 Keep your finances separate

63 Contentment is a high aim

64 Be generous to each other financially

65 You make a choice every day

66 Don't be a martyr

67 Stop sniping – someone has to

68 You don't both have to have the same rules

69 Do it their way if it matters more to them

70 Put yourself in their shoes

71 In-laws are part of the package

72 Keep talking 148

Family Rules

73 Don't blame your parents

74 Don't let your parents control your feelings

75 Your children come before you

76 Nothing is worth falling out over

77 Don't shout at the people you love

78 Treat them right, no matter how they treat you

79 There are no circumstances in which it is ever acceptable to say ‘I told you so'

80 Don't pressurize your family just because you can

81 Never be too busy for loved ones

82 Make the effort

83 Your children need to fall out with you to leave home

84 They don't have to be the same as you

85 Accept people's flaws

86 There's always stuff with siblings

87 Let go of your role

88 What will be left of you?

Friendship Rules

89 There are no rules

90 Your best friend was once a stranger

91 Only have people in your life who, on balance, make it better not worse

92 If you're going to be a friend, be a good friend

93 Forgive

94 Never give advice

95 Don't make other people uncomfortable

96 Find friends who love the truth

97 Never lend money unless you're prepared to write it off

98 If you don't like their partner, tough

99 When one finger points forwards, three point back

100 Friendships change

101 Know when to let go

102 Bitterness helps no one

Rules for everyone

103 People are more important than things

104 Guilt is a selfish emotion

105 Love equals time

106 The more you put out, the more you get back

107 Other people are where it's at

The Rules of parting

108 Listen to your own internal voice

109 Recognize that it takes two

110 It doesn't have to be anyone's fault

111 Keep the moral high ground

112 Don't keep raking it over

113 Leave the kids out of it

114 Remember they're not a monster

115 Identify your own mistakes

116 Choose friends you can trust

117 There is life beyond parting

Had enough yet . . .?

Rules of Love, The: A Personal Code for Happier, More Fulfilling Relationships, 4th edition

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