Everyone says to ‘push the boundaries’ and to ‘go big’ if you want to be successful, but what does that even mean? Your definition of what those mean is often completely different from someone else’s. How can you start to push your own boundaries and figuring out what works for you? Why even force yourself into something you don’t want to do to begin with? Who decides to go jump off a cliff if they’ve never even jumped off the diving board first?

The short answer is no one. I’m sure there are a lot of extremists out there, but for the average person it doesn’t happen. So, what if you want to get to the point where you can be the person jumping off the cliff?

Find your own cliff. When I say this, I don’t mean literally go find a cliff, but that you should find your own version of the hypothetical cliff. Start with the small things that might scare you or make you uncomfortable.

For me, the start was going out to do things by myself. For the longest time I have had this preconceived notion that if I want to go out and enjoy something, that I needed someone else to be with me. That it somehow didn’t count if I was by myself, or I had the voice in the back of my head telling me that I was strange or that everyone was looking at me for being alone even though I knew that it really didn’t matter.

So, I started small. I decided to go to the movies by myself. Easy enough? Then I went to a concert. Then hiking. Eventually I joined a sports team all by myself and traveled for competitions. After all that, I had the courage to move across the country by myself. Now I can’t wait for what I will do next, since I am no longer afraid of doing things alone, but none of that would’ve happened if I had stayed in my comfort zone.

How do you decide what your personal cliff is? I think it should follow two important rules:

1) It should make you nervous but not freaked out.

2) It should be something that you genuinely want to do.

Don’t go to the beach to push your boundaries if you hate the ocean, and don’t go hike a mountain if you’re deathly afraid of heights. Start with the small things that you feel uncertain about doing, like calling to place your dinner order instead of ordering online when you hate talking on the phone or asking your server for the extra sauce that they might not give you. By doing these smaller tasks, even if you stumble through it, you reinforce the idea that at the end, everything was okay, and then eventually you can start working towards bigger and bigger cliffs.

While this will vary person to person, I think in the end it’s about figuring out who you are and wanting to be a stronger, more confident version of yourself – and who doesn’t want that?

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